


Born Too Late

by emmablowguns



Category: Succession (TV 2018)
Genre: Family Feels, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, Marijuana, Smoking, i can't believe "weed" isnt just a tag it has to be MariJuana. im done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 22:27:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20955917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmablowguns/pseuds/emmablowguns
Summary: “Do you think other families are like this?”It was the first time any of them had dared to open this line of discussion.





	Born Too Late

**Author's Note:**

> just a quick lil thing im writing at work because im bored. didnt really even bother to fine tune it so take that as you will. this fic takes place vaguely around their pre-teen to teen years. their ages are so fuzzy its hard to give concrete years and ages. might write more if anything comes to me. i feel like their childhood would be cool to explore.

“Do you think other families are like this?”

It was the first time any of them had dared to open this line of discussion.

They were all lying in the vast courtyard behind their house, topiary sculptures and crumbling fountains, gardens finely manicured for people who would never feel so much as a fleck of dirt on their sleeve, let alone spend time gardening. The grass was slick and cold with dew.

“Well you know Rome, we’re not exactly considered a normal family.” Kendall replied before taking a long hit on the joint they were passing between them. He passed it to Siobhan who took it without comment. 

“Fuck off.” Roman retorted, propping himself up on his elbows, “You know what I mean.”

Kendall winced at the implication, turning away from his brother’s rinsing gaze. The hand print shaped bruises scattered across his jawline looked green in the moonlight, and it gave his brother a ghoulish look.

“No, they’re not.” Connor interjected from where he was sitting cross legged about a foot away, “Trust me, I know.”

“Just because you have a different mom doesn’t mean you grew up working class, idiot.” Siobhan said, finally piping up. She passed the joint to Roman without taking a hit.

But the insults and witticisms could only mask so much of the truth, a truth that none of them really wanted to face all that much anyway. Though he wouldn’t look back, Kendall could sense that Roman was still looking at him, almost pleadingly. He’d always turned to him for answers, reassurances, but this time Kendall had none. 

“Well, come on, I’m sure we’re not the only ones with a dad that sucks ass.” Roman said, taking a series of twitchy hits off of the quickly deteriorating joint. “I mean, right?”

“Dad doesn’t  _ suck ass. _ ” Connor replied tersely, the expletives sounding foreign coming out of his mouth, “He’s just busy, you know how it is.”

Siobhan exhaled a puff of breath that was just below a sigh as she shifted in the grass.

“How long has dad been telling you that?” Roman shot back, his voice mocking.

“Dad didn’t tell me that,” but Connor’s confidence faltered, “He… I-- I just--”

“Oh, right, that’s probably what one of the nannies told you when he forgot your birthday, is that it?” 

Kendall could hear his brother’s glee at digging into one of Connor’s pressure points. He glanced over at Shiv to see how she was reacting, but her disinterested gaze gave nothing away.

“He never--”

“Oh my god, shut up.” Kendall interrupted Connor, who still appeared very flustered by the direction the conversation was going, “Seriously, both of you, just shut the fuck up.”

Connor wordlessly picked himself off the ground, his feet quietly squishing in the cool grass until his steps gave way to the smooth granite pathway leading back into the house.

“Oh fuck off!” Roman scoffed, holding the joint out to Kendall, “That guy’s the fuckin’ worst.”

“You really shouldn’t talk to him like that, Rome.” Siobhan murmured, still sounding disinterested.

“Why not?”

At that, she had nothing to say. Kendall took the joint, watching as the smoke he exhaled curled towards the sky and dissipated on a rough breeze.

“He’s not wrong.” Kendall remarked, “But I mean, that’s not all of it anyway. Here, finish this.” He handed what was left to Roman.

“He’s probably schizophrenic, or like. What is it… Bipolar?” Roman took the last hit, the joint looking like nothing more than a red dot in the darkness. He flicked it into the grass just by his feet, stepping on it until it was part of the environment.

“Dad’s not bipolar.” Siobhan said, sitting up and wrapping her arms around her legs, “Can we go inside? It’s fucking freezing.”

“I guess.” Roman’s tone of voice made it obvious he had no interest in going inside. Kendall stood slowly so as not to stumble, reaching his hand out to both of his siblings.

But Roman didn’t take it.

“I’m good. I’m just gonna stay here. Shit, maybe I’ll sleep out here. In the dog house, you know? Maybe dad would like that.” Shiv rolled her eyes at that, taking Kendall’s boost up and heading in the direction of the house without another word.

She’d been so serious these days. Kendall remembered when Shiv was born, or at least, he remembered the pictures they had taken. Himself, barely more than a baby himself, peering curiously at the squirming pink mass his mother would never let go of. He remembered when they were a little older, before any of them could really fathom the massive wealth they’d been born under, playing in houses that were as big as museums and seeing nothing but exciting games and future adventures instead of dark, sprawling hallways full of secrets and deafening tension.

Kendall hardly noticed he was zoning out until Roman’s voice cut through the brain fog.

“Why’s she being such a bitch lately?”

“I don’t know…” Kendall said, still marveling at the fact that they had been thinking the same thing, “I think it’s the new tutor, to be honest.” He sat back down in the grass next to his brother.

“I mean we all have the same tutor, and I’m not being a bitch about it.”

Kendall shrugged. His tongue felt like a dead fish in his mouth. He wasn’t sure what to say that would get Roman out of this mood he was in, if he ever really calmed down.

“I was serious, you know.” His brother’s voice came out softer, more uncertain. Kendall glanced over at him quizzically. “You… Well, you know… I was really wondering.”

“What are you trying to say, Rome?”

“I just don’t understand why…” Roman cleared his throat and shook his head, starting again, “I don’t understand why dad doesn’t like me.”

“Fuck off, dude.” Kendall replied, without giving it much thought, “He likes you. Obviously, I mean he, obviously he loves all of us.”

“He loves  _ you, _ ” Roman interjected, “He loves Shiv.”

“What about Connor?” Kendall couldn’t help the ghost of a smile that was evident in his voice. Roman looked over at him, letting out a small chuckle.

“Well, Connor’s different. I mean… I’d say dad loves him, even if he doesn’t…  _ like  _ him, you know?” Roman inexplicably burst into a fit of giggles that he was pitifully trying to stifle. “You know what I mean, right?”

“I mean…” Now Kendall couldn’t help but laugh too, at the absurdity of the situation, at the zig-zag the conversation always seemed to be taking. “No, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about actually.”

“No! See, I knew you wouldn’t fucking get it, especially because you’re such a fucking lightweight when it comes to anything that isn’t adderall, you bitch.”

“Okay, Roman.” Kendall replied flatly, “I don’t get it. Explain it to me.”

“I’m just saying, I think dad loves me, right?” Roman started picking at blades of grass, nervously tearing them apart with his hands, “But I don’t think he exactly… Wants me around. You know?” 

The last sentence was just above a whisper, a vulnerable admission. Roman rarely gets like this, but Kendall supposed it was timely considering he’d just had a blowout fight with dad earlier that day.

“What makes you think that?”

“I don’t know.” Roman started picking nervously at some scabs on his arm, refusing to look beyond where he was picking. Kendall tried a different approach.

“He’s beat the shit out of me too, you know. Connor too, I’m pretty sure, and he’s even yelled at Shiv before, even though I know you think she’s the favorite she’s really not.” He wasn’t sure if any of this was getting through to his brother, and he also sensed that he was rambling, so Kendall shut his mouth. Silence filled the night air. The cicadas seemed to roar around them.

“You’ve told me that before.” Roman said finally, his voice giving away no indication as to whether or not it had been a good path for Kendall to go down.

And like most things in their family, the topic of conversation ended rather abruptly, with Kendall still not really sure if they had made any progress or if his words had even helped. Roman seemed eager to switch the topic, and Kendall let him as he mumbled or nodded in agreement about whatever new wave band or European watch brand he was into this month. 

Problems in their family never seemed to be addressed, but they never seemed to disappear either. Even when the two boys quietly reentered the house and trailed off to their separate rooms, the shadow of their earlier conversation seemed to follow them both. They weren’t like other families, but they were. Were. Weren’t. The contradictions seemed to spiral in his mind, one after the other until he couldn’t bare to think of it anymore.

Kendall laid in bed, his limbs feeling heavy and warm, and lulled himself to sleep on the myriad of answers to what, exactly, dad was so busy with all the time -- so busy that he treated his kids like they were extensions of himself, so busy that one of his sons got the impression that he didn’t belong. Other families weren’t like this.

Right?

**Author's Note:**

> [george costanza voice] its the fic where... NOTHING happens.
> 
> title of this fic is from a dent may song thats on my roman/gerri playlist.


End file.
